Do you find yourself worrying or stressed about parenting? Do you feel awful or guilty when you lose your temper or worry about the right way to praise, encourage and discipline?
What would happen if you stopped worrying about how to pull this parenting thing off perfectly, and focused instead on somethings that make practicing positive parenting more about connection and a whole lot less about perfection?
Here are some ideas worth focusing on so you can practice positive parenting and enjoy your journey:
Say Yes to Practice and NO! to perfection Positive Parenting isn’t about getting all the tools right or handling that tantrum the most perfect way, it’s about practicing, trying, sometimes getting it wrong, thinking it through and being willing to try again next time.
Intention: If your intention is one of mutual respect, kindness and understanding than your relationship will flourish and grow even when you hit a few bumps along the way, lose your cool or fall back into a bad habit.
You simply cannot give love, attention and care if your own cup is not getting regularly refilled
Fill your own cup: You simply cannot give love, attention and care if your own cup is not getting regularly refilled. Take time for yourself, even if it’s just 10 minutes a day, it’s not failure and it’s not selfish, it’s an investment in your well-being and the well-being of the whole family!
Accept responsibility: You can read a million books, tips and tools to change your child’s attitude or to try and shape their behavior but until you are willing to see that your own actions and words will affect your relationship you will not see lasting change.
Second chances are for parents too! If you notice you are cranky, stressed out, forgetting to plan things out, reactive or otherwise in your mind totally messing things up, don’t be afraid to pause, breathe and start over.
Actions speak louder than words: Model cooperation, make requests instead of demands. Strive not to shame, belittle or hurt, because all those interactions are teaching our children how to handle the ups and downs of life.
Learning takes time: This is both about you and your child, so give everyone time to learn, transitions can take time, especially if you are leaving behind threats, commands and control and working towards cooperation and connection, the answers aren’t always clear but they will come!
Your child loves the real you! Just be yourself, that is who your child knows and loves. Don’t stress about keeping up with “perfect” pin ready crafts, parties, hair dos and such…Do the things you love, share your interests, follow your passions, whatever they may be.
Model making Amends If you lose your cool, accept that and model making amends. Your child will love and respect you even more so if you can look them in the eye and say “ I was stressed out. Sorry, I yelled at you. That wasn’t fair.”
Time is ticking, time is precious: That annoying saying that children grow up too fast? Sorry to say, it’s totally true. Forget perfection or mulling over guilt of a could have been a perfect parenting moment. Just be there! Time spent with your family will never be wasted.
Lastly, remember you are not alone in your journey; don’t be afraid to ask for help or to lean in for support.
What are the things that help you stay focused on your positive parenting journey?
Peace & Be Well,
Ariadne
Ariadne Brill
Thank you for a beautiful and insightful post, Ariadne.
I’ve got a question, though, which is constantly on my mind. How do I prevent my child from telling lies? I thought that maybe she sees me as too strict, which I am, though I try to be tactful, too. But recently I noticed she’s been lying to her teacher (she’s 5) and her friends, too, mostly about some mistake that she had made and then tried to cover up. As you might imagine, lying is not encouraged in our family. As a matter of fact, I feel very strongly about it and I told her on many occasions that lying is the worst thing she can do, much worse than making a mistake or disobeying me.
So, is it me and, even if it isn’t, what can I do about it?
Thank you in advance for any comments or suggestions!
Ruzica, as you noticed your daughter is lying when she has made a mistake and is covering it up, do you think she fears some kind of negative consequence for her mistakes? Does she feel embarrassed or worried that you would be disappointed? Five year olds have a big sense of justice but also begin to understand shame/guilt/pleasing others/wanting to impress peers so they may “bend” ideas and facts. I suggest you not create fear around lying but instead instill trust by listening without judgement, this will serve you well from now into the teen years! You can read here about what to do when children tell lies and fibs and here about what to do when children tell deliberate lies.
Dear Ariadne,
Thank you so much for your advice!
I do want her to grow up without fear and you are right that being judgmental at such an early stage of development is plain wrong, I just haven’t been able to see it as clearly as I do now.
Thank you again and God bless you and your family!