Are you moving away from traditional, “old school, authoritarian parenting, and want more ideas for doing things differently?
Do you have questions about your child’s behavior, is it normal, is it expected?
Are you struggling with wanting to control your child and want to find out new, more peaceful ways to interact, build family and connect?
Do you wonder how to get your spouse or other family members on board with peaceful parenting?
When I started my peaceful parenting journey many years ago, one of my go-to resources was Dr. Laura Markham AND I’m very excited to share with you that Dr. Laura Markham will be a guest here at the Positive Parenting Connection blog answering YOUR questions!!
What’s more, Dr. Laura has recently published a new book Peaceful Parents – Happy Kids How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting and one lucky Positive Parenting Connection community member will receive a courtesy copy of the book!
Dr. Laura Markham trained as a Clinical Psychologist at Columbia University, but she’s also a mom, so she understands kids — and parents! She is the creator of AHA!Parenting a website full of fantastic articles, blog posts, questions and answers for parents that are looking for support with peaceful parenting.
So, do you have a question for Dr. Laura? Leave your question in the comments section – a few questions will be randomly selected from the comments section and the facebook community page and answered by Dr. Laura Markham right here on the blog on December 5th.
Looking forward to seeing your questions and Dr. Laura’s answers!!
Peace & Be Well,
Ariadne
***Questions for Dr. Laura are now closed. Be sure to check this POST for answers to a selection of the questions that were asked here and on our community facebook page!***
Ariadne Brill
Hello! I have a 6 year old daughter and a 5.5 year old son, and a 20 mo toddler. Even though the two older kids are only eight months apart, they enjoy each other much of the time and can play well together. They have a really tough time playing games, though. Card games, board games, tag, softball, whatever competitive effort we try ends in someone crying and melting down under the stress of losing, or even the potential for losing.
We’ve done all we can to ease the stress, focused on mostly community games, talked about team work, and exhausted our parenting repertoire.
Do you have any suggestions? I’m wishing that we could navigate this with more dignity and grace as a family. I remember playing “Mother May I” as a kid and loving it. I want my kids to be able to as well!
My question is more about how spouses can work together to help each other be a peaceful parent. We both agree with gentle discipline and peaceful, attachment-type parenting so that is not the problem. We also want to help each other stay on track and not fall into the authoritarian-type upbringing that we both had. But we have had a few situations when, in the height of a disagreement with our daughter, the spouse has taken over the situation, undermined the other parent, and thereby demonstrated discord to our daughter. So my question is: if one parent makes a bad discipline judgement, how should we help each other in the heat of the moment, with the child there? We don’t want to undermine the other parent, and think that if we completely disagree and go against the one parent’s discipline (as wrong as it may be), that the discord between us as parents would be just as upsetting for the child as the actual confrontation with the child is. On the other hand, we also need to stick up for the rights of our daughter if they are being infringed upon. My husband phrased it accurately when he said that he wants us to have a “parenting connection” that is perceived as united by the child.
Here is an example:
One DD (3) is pulling on the new hat of her younger sister (1.5) and the younger sister is yelling for her to stop and about to be pulled down. Mom steps in and calmly asks DD to stop and states why. DD does not. Mother asks again for her to stop. DD does not. So, after a long day and many similar situations throughout the day and because sister is now howling and has fallen to her knees, mom snatches DD’s (also new) hat off her head and takes it away and puts it up on a high shelf. Mom lost her cool. She states DD can’t have the hat until they talk. DD lets go of sister’s hat and follows mom, howling that she wants her hat. Husband comes in, takes the hat off the shelf, says “we” will give it back to her and then we will talk. Gets in between mom and DD and takes over talking to DD. DD takes her hat, walks away, doesn’t listen or talk.
In this situation, I understand that mom was wrong to take the hat. Dad sees that mom is wrong. But how should he have handled the situation? How could he have supported mom in calming down without undermining her?
Hi Laura, wonderful opportunity to hear a direct response from you. Many thanks.
I understand that self regulating is the foundation to gentle parenting and working through ones own pain and history. I am yet to read your words on how.
How do I break a cycle of hitting from my about to be 5 son. I fear it has come from me and realise the change comes from me first, so I’m onto it but sometimes I feel myself acting like a 5 year old too and have hurt him back before I’ve even thought about it. (I have a lot to learn emotionally, no good example growing up and no practice with siblings) He does it not only when he is frustrated or upset but will go up to his already anxious 8 year old brother and whack him for no reason. How do I ‘regulate’ my emotion so I can be the adult and show him how it can be done?
Hello,
I need some advice about my 28 month old daughter. Ever since I can remember, she has not been a very cooperative napper. Nap time is always a struggle for me as she consistently fights her nap. I usually try my best to be at home for her one midday nap. She sleeps in a bed as she jumped out of her crib months ago. She procrastinates and stalls when nap time rolls around. I am with her until she falls asleep otherwise she would not stay in the bed. She would either cry or find anything to do besides surrendering to a nap. Even when I am in the bed with her, she constantly tries to get out. Today, she cried for 30 minutes because I refuses to let her out of he bed (everytime she tried, I gently picked her up and put her back down). She finally tired herself out and fell asleep. I felt awful. What am I doing wrong? I doubt she is really to give up her nap. I think I am consistent but she just does not want to surrender to a nap. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated…
I have a question about pushing and toddler-hood. I witness a lot of it lately. My DS is 16 mo old and he is the one who got pushed. I’m not sure when to intervene. He is still too young to understand what happened to him but I’m also worried he will mimic the behavior when he is older. Should I say something to the toddler who pushed him? Should I say anything if DS seems to be ok? I know this is just another phase, but any guidance will be greatly appreciated.
Dear Laura,
First of all i want to thank you for the work you’re doing. I read your newsletter everyday, and i am just starting to read your book.
I am sure the answer to my question is somewhere in there, but i would feel reassured to have my question answered directly.
I am the mother of a 4 years old girl and a 1 year old boy. My daughter started school last September. She goes 3 times a week? Each time she is back from school she’d have a melt down which i understood is quite common. But here the presence of her brother aggravate her state. She wants me for her alone. I have been trying to organize her coming back at home… welcoming her as much as i can, but her anger is growing and growing. She now fight everything ! She started to hit her brother. 2 days ago she screamed and yelled and bang her head on the sofa. I thought she was getting crazy, and the apparent reason is that i didn’t give her some lemon juice. She is wilder in her tantrum now. I am so confused. I don’t know if her behavior is normal and at which extent ? How to “break ” this pattern of crying over every needs or desires ? What to do when i can’t really be there for her ?
I have the other baby in my harms, because of course i can’t let him down while she screams… so i can’t be fully there for her!
My husband and i haven’t really put clear limits to her in the past, but we started to do so,and that means more “nos ” more tears, more tantrum, less negotiation also.
Her yelling, scream, etc triggers many feeling within myself, from anger to sadness and hopelessness. I feel my parenting style is becoming more stressful and less fun for all of us :(. Looking forward to any advice and comments.
[…] of Aha!Parenting and author of the new book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids to the Blog with answers to questions from our community members. Dr. Laura is talking about how to tackle Discipline Differences Between Parents, Dealing with […]