Author Archives: Alice Hanscam

What is the Difference between Praise and Encouragement?

What is the Difference between Praise and Encouragement?

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focusing on their abilities/strengths/qualities–things you want to encourage for they help our children become more confident, feel more capable, able to take risks, to rally from mistakes, to move through struggle. To know “I can really use my brain” sets a child up to work through a tough homework problem in an empowering way. Hearing “You are so smart!” can leave a child at a loss when they don’t do well on a test, or when they can’t figure out a problem. Using “You CAN be” instead of “You ARE…” gives a child the chance to be something else. Empowering! Continue Reading

Are You Responsible For or To Your Children

Are You Responsible For or To Your Children

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You are not responsible for your children. Stay with me, here. I know this raises a few eyebrows! All that I’m about to share comes from my growth through reading and presenting (and practicing!) what I consider to be one of the most brilliant parenting books of all time–ScreamFree Parenting by Hal Runkel. If you… Continue Reading

The Mess. The Chaos. The Power of Pause

The Mess. The Chaos. The Power of Pause

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The Mess. The Chaos. The tearing out of your hair, the constant negative self talk of, “How are my kids going to tick me off today? What’s going to blow today?”Maybe it is the getting out the door that leaves you exhausted and frustrated. Maybe it is bedtime and the constant climbing back out of… Continue Reading

Letting Calm Confidence Lead the Way

Letting Calm Confidence Lead the Way

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Techniques galore. Time outs. Behavior charts. Chore charts. Get-out-the-door charts. 1, 2, 3 warnings. Homework first. Cry to sleep. Rock to sleep. Just sleep. “Eyes only” and one finger touches. Unwavering curfew. No reading until your teeth are brushed and jammies on. Be respectful or else. Consequences consequences consequences…and on and on and on. Techniques.… Continue Reading

Compassion and Understanding for Public Tantrums

Compassion and Understanding for Public Tantrums

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Back-arching, jello legs, hitting, yelling, kicking, sobbing, throwing…a true melt-down or tantrum in progress…not very pretty nor fun and all while: …in the middle of the cereal aisle in the grocery store–maybe with various items launching themselves out of the cart like one parent mentioned of recent regarding a jar of orange juice…and another, a… Continue Reading

Looking At Behavior Through A Different Lens

Looking At Behavior Through A Different Lens

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I believe you’ll discover how you choose to respond to your child will be in ways that support and encourage and affirm them for who they are.
In return, they can feel empowered…and that child on the periphery may begin to move into the group and engage; the child that feels so deeply begins to understand and accept her feelings even more–allowing her to manage those feelings better and better; the eye-rolling/sarcastic stuff from your teen can lessen…and they may begin to open up about what is really troubling them; the button pushing turns into more cooperative behavior and you feel calmer and more patient daily Continue Reading

When Children Test Limits and Don’t Accept Choices

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When Children Test Limits and Don’t Accept Choices

Consider this. Your child chose C because it is his job. His job to practice being in charge of himself as often as possible. Her job to test you, to let you know HER preference, to state loud and clear “I am the boss of ME!” And your child is right. He IS the boss of himself, and as the boss, he gets to ultimately decide what choice he will make. This is truly evidence of just the kind of self-directed, independent soul you (most of the time) want to grow. Someone who is in charge of themselves.

Okay, but you still need to get out the door. To continue to support your child in their quest to be independent it is important to respect their choice. How does this look and still get out the door–maybe on time? Continue Reading

Positive Parenting: Rethinking “You Have To Share That!”

Positive Parenting: Rethinking “You Have To Share That!”

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Sharing requires understanding of another person’s feelings and desires. Sharing is about being creative with another as you use something together, it is about being compassionate and giving, it is about being respectful. How do our young one’s grow into the sharing mode? By our understanding of THEIR feelings and desires, our compassion, our giving, our being respectful of them. It also begins with complete ownership over something. Continue Reading

Teenagers: Competent & Capable

Teenagers: Competent & Capable

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Often the struggles we find ourselves caught in with our children can be eased by recognizing and honoring their age appropriate capabilities. And with their capable, competent selves appreciated and affirmed, we can now build a strong foundation for the future independent and successful adult we all hope for. Isnʼt this just what our parenting… Continue Reading

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